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Feb. 2nd, 2009

Een 13, een 12, een 15 en nog een 13.. Ik ben heel erg opgelucht..

'k verveel me hier thuis, met die kou is het geen weer om es te gaan fietsen en foto's te nemen en de verwarming op m'n kamer moet een hele dag aanstaan voor het daar warm genoeg is om iets te doen.. 'k zie alleen m'n gezin en die zijn de laatste tijd allemaal in een minder dan geweldig humeur, dus joepie..

Maar straks neem ik nog de bus naar Gent, morgen gaan we ons bed in elkaar steken (hopelijk gaat de matras door het trapgat!) en hopelijk gaan we woensdagavond naar STEAM of een filmpje (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ziet er goed uit). Ik verlang naar school, hoe gek dat ook mag klinken. Dan heb ik tenminste elke dag een doel en ben ik in Gent. Assenede begint me stilaan de keel uit te hangen, hoe graag ik hier ook woon.. Misschien heb ik gewoon wat beter weer nodig..
I'm really wondering what I'll become..

I'm mean, I'm studying art, but what does that mean? We've seen lots of theory, but I forget everything.. Names, dates, they mean nothing to me. I'll remember them for an exam or something, but otherwise.. one ear in, the other ear out. It has nothing to do with art.. I'll have a paper that will say I've studied art and that I can teach art in classes. But what does that mean? Maybe I don't want to teach?
What I am getting from this education is that it broadens my mind, my view on things.. my taste has become so wide over these years.
I see art in almost everything, I walk in the street and see photographs I'd love to take, my eyes look at the world in frames of beauty..

In the end, I think my view on art is the only thing that will have changed because of these studies. It will have taken 4 years, just to broaden my view. And it will have been worth it. Maybe it still won't have given me a sense of direction, a real training for a certain job, but I will be a better person for it.  It will have cultivated the sense of beauty that's present in every person, and that will have blossomed in me. Beauty in all its forms can better a person's life. I'm convinced it's an addition to my life, and to anyone else's if they want to see it. Beauty can comfort you, sadden you, make you laugh with joy, render you to tears, and so much more. Whether it's hearing a song, seeing a painting, feeling the play of texture of a statue, anything that brings you emotions that you haven't felt for some time is valuable.

Alles van waarde is weerloos..

Ani Difranco

I got a face like a limp handshake
hair like an accident scene
I've been waking up slowly
savoring the same old dream
and somewhere between
the folds of your memory
I was sleeping soundly

Golden rod and the 4-H stone
The things I brought you
When I found out you had cancer of the bone

Your father cried on the telephone
And he drove his car to the Navy yard
Just to prove that he was sorry

In the morning through the window shade
When the light pressed up against your shoulder blade
I could see what you were reading

Oh the glory that the lord has made
And the complications you could do without
When I kissed you on the mouth

Tuesday night at the bible study
We lift our hands and pray over your body
But nothing ever happens

I remember at Michael's house
In the living room when you kissed my neck
And I almost touched your blouse

In the morning at the top of the stairs
When your father found out what we did that night
And you told me you were scared

Oh the glory when you ran outside
With your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied
And you told me not to follow you

Sunday night when I cleaned the house
I find the card where you wrote it out
With the pictures of your mother

On the floor at the great divide
With my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied
I am crying in the bathroom

In the morning when you finally go
And the nurse runs in with her head hung low
And the cardinal hits the window

In the morning in the winter shade
On the first of March on the holiday
I thought I saw you breathing

Oh the glory that the lord has made
And the complications when I see his face
In the morning in the window

Oh the glory when he took our place
But he took my shoulders and he shook my face
And he takes and he takes and he takes

This song makes me cry every time.. It's the most beautiful story about someone dying I have ever heard..
Sufjan Stevens has the most delicate and tender understanding of human nature,
and the incredible skill to put it into song..

I will love this one forever.
Yesterday evening: A Jungle Supreme!

Mad Drum'n'Bass party :-)  Nora went totally wild, which isn't a big surprise, her having ADHD and all that. She is wicked :-)

In the afternoon, my parents, Peter and me went to Ghent to drop off my very new, very shiny pimped-up kot-bike! (Yes, I now have a bike in Gent, finally) It's green with orange dots (I had to pimp it up a bit). Anton came from Oostakker with his parents, we had a drink at Patrick Foley's, separated for a couple of hours (I've gotten meself some very nice red boots) and then all went for dinner at an African restaurant in the Hoogpoort (chicken with peanut-sauce, delicious). In the evening there was A Jungle Supreme in the Minus One, which was all kinds of cool, and at 4 in the morning we walked home.

I'm very very happy at the moment.. Though I'm still sad about school and the kot-issue, life with Anton just gets better..


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